


Baby Goodnight

by life_not_knife



Category: SHINee
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 05:32:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5152133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/life_not_knife/pseuds/life_not_knife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kibum is feeling down and Jonghyun is there to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Baby Goodnight

**Author's Note:**

> First posted at my LJ on: 08/03/2011
> 
> enjoy. XxX

~~~~~~~~~~o~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jonghyun’s POV.  
  
The dorm was quiet as I crept in through the door; the only light coming from the moon outside. My schedule with SM Ballad was especially tiring today as we drifted from radio shows, to interviews and then to individual activities. I knew that the members were probably sleeping by now so I quietly closed the door and headed for the bathroom. Just as I was leaving the bathroom and looking forward to changing clothes and collapsing into bed to try and catch a few hours sleep before my next packed schedule in the morning – I noticed a figure slumped over in the kitchen bar stools.  
  
As I moved closer, there was no mistaking the lithe frame, slender ankles and mussed up hair that was Kim Kibum. Moving closer I decided to shuffle my feet and slippers across the laminate flooring to make my presence known to the other boy so as not to startle him. His feline eyes moved across his shoulder to look at me; those eyes which are usually full of sarcasm and grace were simply unresponsive and a little sad? Maybe ... or was I just reading too far into things. After a short moment his eyes were again fixed on the counter top, elbows supporting his chin and a large sigh escaping his lips. I moved closer, placing one hand on his shoulder as I sat on the adjacent stool and peered at his side profile.  
  
‘Kibum’  
  
I said softly as to not break the stillness that had set over us both –  
  
‘are you okay?’  
  
... no answer. I continued to squeeze his shoulder a little and rub a comforting hand across his shoulder blades and that is when I finally felt him relax and begin to show some response.  
  
‘Jonghyun hyung...shouldn’t you be sleeping? You have schedules early in the morning...’  
  
he drifted off at the end of the sentence as if he was defeated and no longer cared whether I was even listening to him. I didn’t reply either, it seemed as though he was speaking on auto pilot and wasn’t concerned at what my answer even was. A few moments of silence passed again through the room, my eyes were constantly looking across his features for any sign of what might be going through his mind. I noticed that he was wearing a grey oversized shirt and black sweatpants which suggested he had at least gone to bed at some point...but why was he sat out here in the dark and staring at the kitchen counter?  
  
‘Kibum, what’s going on?’  
  
I ventured to ask after a while of getting nothing from the younger boy. There was another sigh, once again from Kibum before he finally spoke;  
  
‘Jjong I don’t know what is wrong with me ... I mean ...’  
  
I could tell he was struggling to get the words he was looking for.  
  
‘I was fine earlier today, we got back from practice, I made us food and then we took ourselves to bed...of course Jinki wasn’t home then, he came back later and Taemin and Minho didn’t exactly sleep straight away since they were cuddling and chatting for a while...’  
  
I couldn’t sense where this was going at all but I sat patiently and listened to what he had to say –placing my hand on top of his in encouragement to carry on.  
  
‘So...I finally fell asleep and then after an hour or so I woke up and my brain decided it wouldn’t sleep anymore...’  
  
I interjected to say ‘well Kibum, we all suffer from not being able to sleep from time to time, there is nothing wrong with you, and if there is ; well, I am sure there is some way to fix it...’  
  
At this point he cut me off. ‘No Jjong you don’t understand...because I couldn’t sleep I started thinking and feeling lonely, I stared over at Minho and Taemin sleeping peacefully and I couldn’t take it anymore so I came out here.’  
  
He breathed a sigh after such a long sentence and began again, not allowing me time to interject  
  
‘and that’s when I realised that no matter how many friends or band members I have, I am still along Jjong. I know it’s ungrateful to say this since I should be so lucky to have so many friends but.... there must be something wrong with me that I can’t find love. Hell! I can’t even find someone who wants to date me or who is interested in me... I just... I wish there was some way I could know that i’m not going to be alone like this for the rest of my life...a-and ... w-well...’  
  
Then he broke down into tears. Tears of sadness, frustration and loneliness fell from his eyes and down over his high cheekbones, staining such a perfect face and finally landing on my dress shirt as I pulled him in closer to me and let him cry everything out. You see, the thing with Kibum is that he acts like the almighty diva that fans and other people know him as; but once he is alone, his walls are down and everything begins to pile up on him. He doesn’t pour his heart or his fears out to anyone else and expects his brain, his soul and his body to be able to keep all this bottled up. Seeing him eventually crack is one of the most heartbreaking and beautiful sights I have ever seen. I keep pulling him closer until he regains his natural breathing pattern and pulls away from me; his eyes are shining with the wetness from crying but his mouth has a small and genuine smile.  
  
‘Thank you...I..I guess I needed someone to speak to... -sniff-‘  
  
he giggles slightly at his own words looking thankful but slightly embarrassed.  
  
‘It’s okay Kibum-ah i’m your best friend, you can talk to me about anything – you can bitch at me, gossip to me and even cry to me cause I am here to listen .... and you’re not going to be alone for the rest of your life... there is somebody out there for everyone, it’s just a case of finding them.’  
  
I know what I said sounded cheesy and corny and pretty laughable but I really didn’t care, I wanted him to know that he isn’t alone.  
  
‘I will always be here for you Kibum... and your beautiful, handsome, a good person and .... well, anyone would be lucky to have you in their life whether you be their lover or friend they should feel blessed... just .. well... promise me one thing Kibum..’  
  
I looked at him with the most serious face I had and waited for his answer.  
  
‘Ookay I promise Jjong but what is it?’  
  
I braced myself for what I was about to say next;  
  
‘Don’t ever settle for someone you don’t truly love just because you are feeling lonely okay? I want you to find that perfect person, no matter who may declare their love for you...don’t accept their heart unless you truly feel it too.’  
  
I paused and held my breath... and he laughed a little  
  
‘Sure Jjong I won’t settle for anyone less than the person I love...-sniff- well.... listen, you better get yourself to sleep since you are up early in the morning! Get to bed mister.’  
  
He laughed his usual loveable laugh and pushed me towards the bedroom, both of his hands flat on my back as I moved willingly towards the room.  
  
‘Oh and Jjong... thanks again.’  
  
He smiled, bright and full and back to the Kibum I know all too well; he watched as I changed and crawled into bed before he turned out the light and made his way over to his own bed. I heard the sheets ruffle around for a while until I finally heard his even breathing that indicated he was asleep; after that, I peered down from my top bunk to look at his sleeping face...  
  
’Baby goodnight...I love you.’  
  
I whispered towards Kibum but more to myself. If only he could hear my feelings out loud, maybe then he would know just how loved he really is.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~o~~~~~~~~~~


	2. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonghyun is acting strange and Key is going crazy trying to find out why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted: 12/03/2011 at my LJ account.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
It was dawn and the first rays of sun were peeking through the vertical blinds and painting Kibum’s body with a golden hue. It’s been two days since Jonghyun and Key had their ‘moment’ – as Jonghyun would label it- in the kitchen and Kibum has noticed a change in his best friend that he isn’t sure what to do about.  
  
Key POV.  
  
I felt the cold wood below my feet as I stood up out of bed - wanting nothing more than to jump back in where it was cosy and warm. Moving towards the window; I looked out to see the sun shining off the damp pavement below and making it glitter as my mood gradually brightened for the day ahead. On my way to the bathroom to get ready I noticed Jonghyun sleeping peacefully – his head draped slightly over the edge of the mattress; lips parted and arm dangling down the side. It made me laugh; the sight of Jonghyun lying there was so comical as it looked like he was about to drool onto the floor and it looked like he only had one arm – despite how funny he looked, I was also happy because this is the first time in a while that I have seen him look so happy and at peace. I don’t know what has got into him but I hope I can try and fix it or that he will mend things for himself. I decided to stop watching him then as I remembered the age old story that; if you look at someone for too long, they will feel your eyes on them and begin to stir – so with that, I decided to make my way to the bathroom and then hopefully have some time spare to make the members some food.  
  
Jonghyun POV.  
  
When I woke the first thing I noticed was the slight drool on the corner of my mouth and I grimaced as I wiped it off. Rolling over I then noticed that I was the only member left sleeping and so I climbed down the ladders, my feet touching the cold floor as I dashed for the bathroom; the sudden urge to relieve myself the only thing on my mind. As I entered the bathroom I noticed Onew in front of the mirror brushing his teeth.  
  
‘Morning Hyung’ I said, sounding slightly groggy since I hadn’t spoken yet – ‘Huuey Jshong’ Jinki replied with the toothbrush still in his mouth.  
  
Ignoring Onew’s muffled response I made my way over to the toilet. Once I had finished, Onew was still rinsing his mouth over the sink… a comfortable silence fell on us both; a mixture of my half sleepy state and Jinki’s morning routine leaving us both manoeuvring around each other in the bathroom. After some time and both of us smelling a lot better than before; Onew spoke up  
  
‘Hey Jonghyun can I ask you something?’  
  
Not really paying that much attention to my surroundings; I didn’t notice how Jinki’s body language and the comfortable air suddenly changed as I replied  
  
‘sure hyung’ followed by a non committal shrug.  
  
‘Ah well you see, I was talking to Kibum the other day…’  
  
at the mention of Key’s name I suddenly became interested and that’s when I realised how the atmosphere had grown a bit tense on Jinki’s part  
  
‘… and he is worried about you, he noticed you have been a little…detatched? .. yeah… detached – from us lately and I think that he is just concerned for you, he doesn’t want you to feel overworked or stressed…’  
  
It sounded like Onew was treading on egg shells as he spoke and I decided to cut in here.  
  
‘Ah hyung! It’s okay, I’m not overworked or stressed … no more than usual anyway so Kibum doesn’t have to worry.’  
  
I gave him a megawatt smile, a slightly wavering one but I smiled none the less.  
  
‘Jjong…I know you’re not overly stressed and that is why I wanted to talk to you … Kibum didn’t ask me to speak with you but he also thinks you are distancing yourself from the whole group – but I know it isn’t the case, I may not be around very much but I know that your relationship with Minho and Taemin has not become more distant, and since we are having this conversation now, I would suggest that our relationship hasn’t changed either??’  
  
He asked this quite bluntly as though it isn’t even a question… I knew what was coming next so I just nodded and allowed him to continue anyway.  
  
‘So the only person who you are “distancing” yourself from is Kibum … now I don’t want to tell you what to do Jonghyun but I am suggesting that you resolve whatever issues you have with Kibum before he notices that you are only avoiding him. You of all people know that he may look strong but he is actually quite fragile, so… be careful… speak to him, settle whatever is wrong and then maybe he won’t get hurt.’  
  
I couldn’t comprehend everything that was happening – was Jinki Hyung really so observant? Or am I just so transparent? Either way I knew I had to fix things before Kibum got hurt, but my only dilemma was that:  
  
a.) I can’t go back to just acting like best friends with Kibum when he insists on touching me all the time – and the fact that Onew is busy a lot of the time (or out with his hyungs eating fried chicken) and 2min are busy turning horses into unicorns with their fluffy relationship; that leaves me and Kibum together all the time.  
  
B.) I feel like telling Kibum the truth will not only leave him feeling alone because we can no longer be best friends but also hurt that I hid this from him – our relationship as best friends would be ruined and our lives would become so much more complicated than it needs to be. Eurgh, I’m getting such a headache thinking about this … maybe it will be better if Kibum just thinks I am overworked for now and I can make a decision later.  
  
As I left the bathroom (Onew having left after his speech since he was already running late for rehersal) I headed towards the kitchen with the intention of grabbing some food, getting changed and then heading into the van with Key, Minho and Taemin for schedules – however, as I walked in I was greeted by Kibum’s loving smile as he hugged me and handed me a plate of food, telling me to sit down and eat up since I am probably a bit stressed and need all the nutrition I can get.  
  
~~~~0~~~~  
  
That entire day was pure torture in every sense of the word; not only was Key trying his best to hug me, stay near me and make me happy – but he kept going out of his way to make me feel less stressed by bringing me extra water, giving me a massage and a number of other little things that only added to the guilt that I was currently carrying on my shoulders since my talk with Onew this morning. I was being a really bad friend and I was being selfish, but would telling Key how I feel be selfish too?  
  
Kibum POV.  
  
All day long I have tried my best to make Jonghyun happy but every time I try to do something nice for him or help him out, all I get is a half hearted and fake smile followed by a mumble of  
  
‘thanks Kibum-ah’  
  
Ahhh! This is so frustrating, I don’t often lose my patience like this but Kim Jonghyun is wearing me down. When I spoke with Jinki Hyung I didn’t mention that I thought Jonghyun was just ignoring me and not the whole group, I thought that maybe I was being oversensitive and paranoid but today has made everything crystal clear –  
  
Kim. Jong. Hyun. Is. Avoiding. Me!  
  
It is now late into the evening and the sun has set long ago, taking with it my high spirits from this morning. I can see Jonghyun from the corner of my eyes stood out on the balcony, the once autumn breeze from this morning now feeling like a chilled wind; it flies past Jonghyun’s frame and through the open doors onto my bare feet that now feel as cold as Ice – reminding me of this morning and how maybe I could just curl up in the comfort of my bed. However, I have already decided that I will confront him tonight because I know him all too well to know he will avoid whatever is going on and never give me an explanation unless I ask him myself. I rub my hands across the tops of my feet to try and warm them up a little before I cautiously step up from the couch I was sitting on and make my way towards the balcony … all I can hear is the sound of his breath as he constantly sighs into the cityscape that lies before our eyes; all I can see is his warm breath as it hits the cold air and disappears like smoke into the starry night sky, that can’t quite be admired due to the large amounts of light emitting from the city below. In contrast to the electrical buzz of the city and rush of cars on the road Jonghyun is still as a statue as I make my way closer and peer at him from his left side to try and study his expression.  
  
‘Hey…’  
  
I speak, it’s only a quiet greeting that seems fitting to the current atmosphere. With just that one word uttered by myself I see his posture stiffen, and his eyes looking up towards his forehead as if in search of some kind of thought. After a few seconds he relaxes again so I step closer to him; now standing by his side as I begin to speak once again.  
  
‘You know Jjong, it’s kind of rude to not return a greeting… ‘ (I half joke)….  
  
Still not getting a response I decide to just continue and get everything out in the open.  
  
‘Well, okay here goes… I know you have been avoiding me and I don’t know why but … I want to know what is going on with you or what I have done wrong – really Jjong, if I have done anything I am so sorry and whatever it was I obviously didn’t mean it since I can’t even remember what I did and … and … I know I’m rambling right now but I can’t stop talking because I’m afraid that if I do, you’re not going to reply to me and then everything will be ruined becausewewon’tbeabletospeaktoeachotheror or hangoutanymore and god Jjong! Please just give me something cause I’m going crazy not knowing what is going on!’  
  
After my long rambling speech I can see something in Jonghyun’s eyes – something like recognition – and I wonder if he is going to hurry up and answer me before I have a meltdown.  
  
Jonghyun POV.  
  
After hearing Kibum’s rambling speech (as he calls it) – everything just seemed to make perfect sense to me. I had been stood on the balcony staring down into the city below and hoping that an answer was suddenly going to jump out at me … and I guess it did because in that moment where Kibum was speaking to me, I was taken back to that night when I found him in the kitchen completely broken and in need of fixing… and here I am once again, the tables may be turned but it is still Kibum that needs fixing because somehow – along the way – I managed to break him by trying to protect him. I can see that he is anxiously waiting for my answer so I reply with all the sincerity in my heart:  
  
‘Kibum … I tried not to hurt you, I tried so so hard but it seems that in trying not to hurt you I eventually managed exactly that and I am sorry. Don’t blame yourself; it is nothing you have done … although it sort of is…’  
  
I scratched the back of my neck, suddenly feeling self conscious and losing the words from my mind as I look at Kibum’s perplexed face in front of me.  
  
‘Ah well, you see… that night in the kitchen when you were feeling down?...’  
  
I asked as a question just to make sure I was making sense and he remembered the night. As he nodded his head I continued  
  
‘…that night………… was the night I fell in love with you …’  
  
I paused to look at his expression which was one of sheer shock, his eyes as wide as a scared cat. He looked in-comprehensible so I decided to continue  
  
‘… that night I asked you not to give your heart to just anyone and not to give your heart away unless you felt the same way… unless… you loved them too… and when I was describing to you the ways in which anyone would be lucky to have you and how you are smart and kind hearted, well – it was then that I realised just how in love with you I am. It’s not just some crush or fascination and I found myself wanting to tell you that you are all the things I said but much much more; you are handsome, cute, playful … the almighty diva … the best friend in the world and I am such a fool for not telling you this long ago – however, now I feel like it really means something because to me you are more than a best friend… you’re my soul mate, my family, my love and my everything. I know this all sounds so cheesy and also I am not asking for your heart back in return but I needed to tell you how much you really are loved and what you really mean to me. Kim Kibum – Saranghae.’  
  
Kibum POV  
  
I stood there in sheer shock as he finished his explanation and bowed his head to look at the floor, clearly feeling intensely vulnerable. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I recounted all of the things he said about me, all of the feelings he has and it was then that I realised that this was one of the most difficult decisions for Jonghyun to make. He was risking our friendship but more importantly, he was risking his heart and his love… all for me, Kim Kibum… his soulmate … his family... his love… his everything. I saw Jonghyun raise his head a little to look at me and his face was a picture of shyness, hope, vulnerability and caution. He raised his hand towards my face and began to wipe away the tears that I hadn’t noticed had started to fall from my eyes; his face soon becoming a mirror of my own as he cried but with a smile of content on his face. Ever so slowly Jonghyun moved in towards me and I could feel my heartbeat race, my palms becoming sweaty and at the last moment before closing my eyes I felt my breath hitch; seconds later feeling warm and slightly wet lips pressing against my own. I could feel my tears falling between the creases of our lips and finally he pulled back. His lips now forming a perfect but small smile as he whispered  
  
‘I love you Kibum and all I want is for you to know that’  
  
before walking away into our room where our maknae was already sleeping.  
  
I sat there for a few long hours just thinking and replaying events over in my mind before I also took off to the bedroom. Crawling into bed I thought  
  
‘maybe I can give his heart a chance’  
  
and drifted into slumber with the words  
  
‘Kim Kibum – Saranghae’ imprinted into my mind and dreams.  
  
Once again as Kibum was sleeping, Jonghyun watched as a small smile presented itself on Kibum sleeping face.  
~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~


End file.
